tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61918860810253563912024-02-20T01:58:31.750-08:00Ashley the Aspie: My Aspie ObservationsAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01035511041941600325noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6191886081025356391.post-57813932769394540982015-02-13T07:33:00.001-08:002015-02-13T07:33:13.747-08:00The trick to smiling I was recently playing on Wrong Planet, and even though I'm still worried that my help will be viewed as "sterile, hollow and emotionless," I chose to add a solution for a thread that was basically for Aspies to let of steam.<br />
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<u>The Stated Problem:</u><br />
People try to encourage others to smile until it is obnoxious.<br />
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<u>My Guess at the Non-Stated Problems</u>:<br />
People are spending effort to do things and not getting the positive feedback they need (smiling ) to justify the effort so they ask for that feedback to the point that annoys the feedback giver, or in a way that annoys them. therefore creating resentment on both sides and drastically dropping the amount of positive feedback and positive feelings from both parties. <br />
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<u>My Solution Post:</u><br />
Due to some pain in my childhood, I took up "Communication" as a special
interest but even so, smiling always confused me. It wasn't clear until I
recently watched the older series, "The Human Animal." <br /><br /> He says
that smiling came out of fear to show those smiled at that you're not a
threat so eventually "not a threat" became a non-verbal way of saying
"I'm friendly."<br /><br /> I'm assuming that on a very unconscious and primal
level, your NT feels threatened when you don't smile (specifically at
them) when they feel it's appropriate. <br /><br /> Since it's to the point
where they are bothering you enough that you're posting about it here, I
assume it's become a real issue on both your parts, and since I can't
talk to your NT about Aspies feeling real emotions, but needing to learn
how to show them, I have some smile advice for you. <img alt=":)" src="http://wrongplanet.net/forums/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif" title="Smile" /><br /><br />Experiment One: "Look what I can Do"<br /> Set up:<br /> Continue as normal and count how many times your NT encourages you to smile for a week. <br /> Write this this so you don't forget because we need that number for later.<br /><br /> Experiment:<br /> For at least a month continue keeping track of how many times a week the "smile encouragement" happens and, <br /> <br /> a. pinch up the edges of your mouth whenever you feel that your NT expects you to smile.<br /><br />
This WILL look like a forced smile, which is the point. It will tell
your NT basically, "Even though that isn't something I smile about, I
value you."<br /> <br /> <br /><br /> b. Also, squint your eyes when you smile for real at your NT when they do something you actually enjoy. <br /><br />
Squinting your eyes when you smile is the most important feature of a
genuine smile. Giving someone a "real" smile is a positive reinforcement
treat, similar to giving a dog a bit of meat when they sit. It will
help be a queue to your NT that the thing they did right before you smiled
is something you find pleasant and you want them to do it more
frequently.<br /><br /> If it's working, by week 3 the "smile encouragement" should be down by at least twice a week.<br /><br /> This
can work if you count the "smile encouragements" from everyone, but it
will be more accurate if you develop it for one person you care about
at a time, because you'll get more accurate numbers that way.<br />
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When you give it a try, I'd love you to put your findings in the comments so I get the positive feedback that I need.<br />
:) <--- That's a smile<br />
^.^ <---- That's a smile to. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01035511041941600325noreply@blogger.com0